Block Out

Hindi ko alam kong paano ko sisimulan ang istoryang ito. Sa dinami dami ng mga bumabagabag sakin at mga litanyang gumugulo saking utak hindi ko alam kung paano ko pagtagpitagpiin ang mga bagay bagay para magkaroon eto ng kabuluhan. Matagal na siguro akong hindi nakakapagsulat kaya’t ganito ang nangyayari ngayon- walang direksyon ang aking salita.  Kinakalawang na ang isip kong puno noon ng mga talinghaga, mga talasalitaang  malawak. Ang talim ng aking isip ay mapurol na at ang aking pagiging manunulat ay tiyak nang naitambak sa kung saan man.

Ewan ko ba ganito na talaga siguro pag hindi nagagamit ang mga kakayahan at mga angking galling natin- napupurol, nakakalimutan at unti-unti nawawala. Ang dunong na pag hindi ginamit at hinayaang nakatiwangwang lang sa isang lugar ay dadapuan ng pagkabulok at pagkasira. Kaya sa tagal siguro ng pagkakahimlay ng aking isip, ito’y inagiw na ng tuluyan.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan ito, at kung  paano ko daragdagan pa ang mga sinabi ko kanina . Ang talento ko sa pagkukuwento’y  tila isang lamparang aandap andap. Naghihingalo , naghahanap ng saklolo nang hindi tuluyang mamatay. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko tatapusin ang isang akdang hindi ko alam kung paano ko masisimulan  at alinlangan ako kung paano ko durugtungan pa.

Wala na siguro itong kwenta pero hindi ayoko rin naming sumuko, kaya ito kahit naghihikahos pinipilit kong linisin ang agiw na bumalot sa aking isipan. Pilit na pinapatalas ang mapurol na talinghaga.  Ginagapang ang mabatong pedestal  ng kadunungan mula sa pagkakadapa. Hinahanap ang  daan ng liwanag sa madilim na pagkakasadsad sa kamangmangan.

Naway, matagpuan ang hinahanap ng pusong sabik sa tatas ng dila at utak. Sana nga.. sana nga

I am Back (again???!!!)

And so after lingering in the forest of the city, the promdi boy is now back in his hometown.  Oh yes, my  unexciting adventures has made me to go back to the old town that cradled me years ago. And yes, this sudden stop to the province has made me reunited to my new hiatus blog- Kabute Dat Com. Thanks to my parents who were so persistent on convincing me to go back; I, now, have pretty much time to contemplate about things, write  thousands of proses and poetic lines, sore my eyes in staring the laptop screen for hours  so I can write again some (not)crazy , interesting and weird stuff that was suppressed for a long time.

Hiatus is over and being productive in posting reads in this blog is again my thhhingggg. (say it like Tuuu--iii..ng)I've missed a lot, its just today when I tweeted in Twitter that I will be back soon in blogging and so here it is. Quick, huh? I told you. Aside from baby sitting my  older bro's kids, I have nothing to do but to think, be creative and tapped this stories of mine  in my lappy.  That will occupy most of my time especially now that I am back to being bum.

And so I guess, this is so much for introductions.. I am back haha. 'til my next post people.

Answered Prayer

Ah uh. its not about work but its all about to a thing I love the most.. Singing. Yesterday, I went to attend another training (refresher's course) session in our church music team. If I haven't mention in my previous blogs, I was a member of the church's band. Last year, I have to sing thrice to so that  I could join the Music Ministry. In first level of the audition, I sang "From the Inside Out" of Hillsong United and I finished a little bit pitchy. I passed yeah hurray!!! The second level  was to be able to mimic the created tunes of the pianist through his piano. It was fun, it was the enjoyable level for me. And lastly, was the group singing; you need to blend with two other persons you were with; this was to test our ability to blend ,our musicality and the ability to do back-up singing.

I've passed all the levels. And was absorbed by the music team. Sadly, my stay in the music ministry lasted only for weeks because I went back to the province last year; so my journey to the music ministry was cut short. Upon returning to Manila, I decided to come back to the Ministry and serve the Lord but then my return wasn't easy just like what I have thought. The good thing was, I don't need to audition again and do the recitals, this time I just need to sit in during music rehearsals observe, and join them in a song  whenever I feel want to.

The sitting ins took months and so I wasn't really expecting anymore that I will be "in" soon. But last night, as I have attended the training for the first time for this year's batch, The music head approached me and told me the good news! I am back for good!

Until now, I am very grateful that God answered my prayer. I realized God answers prayers not in our preferred time interval but on His own time because his timing is  the right time.  Sometimes, God don't answer prayers immediately because He wants  us to be patient. He works on the right time and sometimes He lets us wait because He is preparing the best for us. Sometimes, he dont answer because he wants us to learn something especially  when his silent. There are so many reasons why God answers our prayers but one thing I know for sure, " God loves us and He wants the best for his children."

Thank you Jesus for this wonderful answered prayer. I'm gonna serve and use the talent you gave me to exalt your name. :)

BLUR

Funny how I vividly recall my return in Manila last February, it was dawn and it was all eerie when I left our province to try again my luck in Manila. After months of staying at home in our province where I became an instant caregiver to my nephew and niece; I decided to go back to the city.
Manila has been my home for about four years already. Somehow,   I've  found comfort to the heavy traffic, to the scarcity of water, also with the polluted gases and  the noise the jitneys and buses make which always reminds me that time is gold .I felt I belong.  Manila has somewhat became a mother to me; it cradled me when I was alone, when I was lost because of many life experiences and family set up changes. It embraced me when I was helpless, when everything was new..  I have embraced to love and live the lifestyle you live people; yes, you people of the urban. It became my identity.

For almost five years, my life has been into corporate jobs, tip toe-ing from one job to another, thinking of a shortcut to success. Ambitious and driven that I was, I’ve transferred to one company to another. It has been like a hobby for me; thinking that its the best way to be rich and successful. But my oh my, I was very wrong.

Recently, I have resigned from my work because of compensation problems. I thought that it was a good move but as days passed, I am starting to doubt my decision.  I am having difficulty of finding work and my finances are too near to bankruptcy. I am lacking....a lot. My sister who works abroad usually saves me when I encounter financial problems. But things have run differently now, since my sister told me that she can no longer extend much help for me.

This is tough since without much finances I know my stay in Manila will be cut short. And I don't want to go back to the province again.  Manila is still, for me, the place for many opportunities.  And I know I just need a break to pull through and be successful too. I don’t want to go back in the province where opportunity is scarce.

Blurry it seems but I believe for God's grace in my condition. Nothing is impossible for a BIG GOD. I’m hoping for the best.  Aja Aja Fighting!

Ground Zero

Coping up is what I am doing now and it is never easy.  I, The Buco Boy that you used to know still has the same set of problems until now.  I am definitely starting from scratch  again. (That's the symbolism
I am talking about in my last post hehe )  The impulsive guy that I am, I decided to resign from my present company because of  growing burdens especially to the  Finance Department. When work seems to be a natural  motivation  to strive more, my work had become a burden.  Day by day the money that was alloted for my personal savings has been used for my expenses for my work.  In my line of work, I  am usually out in the field roaming around to my assigned areas, asking and talking to doctors and patients  to get these products i promote  so that I can reach my monthly quotas.  In our field, it is normal for a company to provide food and travel allowances to their employees which one thing that my company partly don't do;partly because these allowances I am talking about  are always not on time.

It has become a burden since I cannot  save at all. Some of my "money" weren't returned to me YET. (Actually I am still hoping they're going to give it back but who knows??? sometimes companies can really become nasty .They won't care anymore because you are no longer connected to them.  ) That is why I've passed my resignation letter and decided to move out to find a well-established, good paying company that can support my survival in the city.

Deciding things like this was never easy. I am living alone here in Manila and when you're bankrupt it is really like living hell.  It is very stressful, so you'll do your best to survive, especially when you don't have any support system who can save you in your most hahaha weariest times.

I never expected that things can be more tough this time. I was very confident when I passed my resignation that i can land to a new job quickly. But hell no, I've already passed a lot of applications via Jobstreet and others websites this week but few companies called and worse , most of them offer job interviews for positions which are included in my list as last resorts.

There are times  when I ride a bus or a train after retiring from a long day  that I let my mind drift away from all the stresses of  life.; moments like going back home after  tiring work or from a failed job interview , I allow my mind to ponder and try to absorb what went good or bad for that day.

Today was  no different. I just came home from a failed attempt to win a good paying job. I went out from my house this morning  welcomed a brand new day, ready, confident  to face my interviewer and  to sign a new job offer after a successful  interview. I went to the battle today ready to conquer all but that moment when the interviewer closed the door of that particular room ,something has started to take control of me; When I started to answer her questions ,my voice became shaky and  I began to stammer; my hands were cold as ice and my heartbeat seemed faster than normal. Fear and nervousness enveloped me and it eat me whole killing  my chance for a good life .

And so I am writing this article just for the sake of mending my hurt ego and yeah so that you guys  can have an article to reflect on. Tomorrow another job interview awaits, hopefully this time it will be good. For sure that will be a great news!  It will just  mean a new thing for me .No more ground zero for Rico DB.

The Last Beginning

I know  I did it again, haha another blog yeah. But who cares anyway, I am still going to start this new blog of mine. A new year for Rico De Buco (that's me)I think, deserves a new blog and to cut my story telling short here it is.

This decision of making and thriving into a new niche is one of the quickest decision in my life so far. If you knew me  by following my old blogs before,  I am the type of person who is some what  impulsive in deciding stuff. Somehow, I felt it was necessary when I decided to  make this blog.  A lot of new things  happened  lately  and somehow deciding to have a new home in the world of blogging  was timely. Quite symbolism eh?

So why Kabute  Dat Com? and the tagline "ang blog na pasulpot-sulpot?" From  the word itself, this blog will not be updated as often as you have imagined , that's why  it is "pasulpot-sulpot"  I've been writing  blogs before and somehow  I've lost time in writing and updating my blogs due to hectic schedules from work.Sometimes I  run out of creative juices to make a good article.There are times that I lack the drive and an inspiration  to talk things with sense or simply  I am just tired and nothing relevant or good is happening in my life.

I will try to update this blog as often as I can. PROMISE!  I miss writing and reading blogs and yeah meeting some new people at times. I miss being around the blogging world. I  am planning to mashed up ideas from  my three old blogs ( Buco Salad, Vignettes and No More Turning Back) and  put it in here. Hopefully, this plan will  push through. I've considered starting again from scratch since some life  experiences that  I will share are not aptly to my old blogs. Hopefully this will be my last blog where I can write and share my thoughts permanently.

Anyway, to the followers from my old blogs, I hope that your love will be extended to this new blog of mine. Thank you for continuous support. Happy blogging everyone Rico DB is definitely back.